Postby FuyuAlt » Tue Feb 15, 2022 10:17 pm
Hello everyone. It's been a long time since I've talked to anyone here. I don't want to cause drama so I'll just get my feelings off my chest.
I've been a part of this community for over 10 years, have had enjoyable chats with many people I have come to consider my friends. We would often gather around in some group chat and play videogames online or just talk about stuff. When I think about those times I realize I have learnt and obtained a great deal, and I will always treasure all that.
This is the place where I got to better myself at talking in English in general, where I got to express my creativity, where I learnt to open myself to others. But more importantly, this is the place I truly got a chance to interact with other people. Prior to joining this community I would rarely talk with people; I have had bad experiences with bullying and all, so coming to this place was really refreshing. For the first time I felt like I truly belonged and I found myself emotionally maturing, and I will always be thankful for that.
I've always been very competitive, always trying to prove myself superior. That was my younger self trying to prove to myself and others that I wasn't a "failure". I've always been very insecure about myself and how the world perceives me. Back then I had made it my goal to become a Moderator all the way back in ye old days of NSMBX. To me getting there was like a badge of honor. Now I scoff at myself for wishing for something so trivial. It was this community that taught me to be humble and always keep in mind that It is alright to be wrong and that things are as bad as you let them be. Today I work everyday to better myself, not to compete, but to be happy. Even through my own ban, I have come to learn this, and I will always cherish this last goodbye lesson.
My own insecurities always made me push myself too hard. I still recall when I made a thread for an episode that was going to have 500 levels. I was so naive to think I could do such a thing on my own, especially when I work on a team of people now and we haven't even finished the first demo. When I started making music, when I made a thread for requesting logos, when I made the content that I published here, I always thought that I needed to prove myself worthy. All of it was on an attempt to please everyone, even though I was aching to be pleased. I never got it back, and I am glad that is the case. Because of this I now know that the love you get you don't earn through self-sacrifice, but through mutual understanding and simple acceptance, and I will always appreciate how much this community has taught me.
When I think about the things I have come to learn, about the things this place has given me, I begin to understand just how much it actually means to me. It's not about a random place to post nonsense, it's not about competing with others, it's not about being in the right, it's not about having fun. To me this community has helped me reshape myself in a form I am proud of. I can finally look at myself and feel like I am worth something. So even though this love is one-sided right now, even if this message won't be accepted by most people, let me just say I'm very happy I got the chance to meet all of you. And even if I wish we said goodbyes on better terms, all of you will always have a place in my heart.
This is my final, most sincere, and accepting goodbye to a community that has changed my life forever. I love all you guys. I love SMBX. And I wish for this community to keep growing and expanding so that it can change more lives for the better.
Sincerely, Fuyu (AKA Natsu)